Nostalgia
by Ellwyn
Summary: Updated Ch.4!! In the training of his arrogant Padawan, Anakin, who is tormentingly in love with Padme, Obi-wan is reminded of a story about his past, when he was like Anakin, struggling with forbidden love...
1. Fond Memories

Chapter One: Fond Memories

A/N: My first attempt at Star Wars fanfiction! Treat it kindly. J Sorry for any discrepancies; I took the liberty of making up planets, alien races, and odd objects here and there… Extra comments? Email to: jidai_rinoa@hotmail.com. Please review!

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"Yes, master," was what all Obi-wan could mutter before Qui-gon Jinn disappeared through the metal doors. Every past 'mission' had been like this one: Qui-gon taking full initiative of the task at hand while impassively mentoring his young Padawan. But, it seemed that he had not noticed his student's eagerness to prove himself. 

Obi-wan yearned for a battle; he wanted excitement to come of these tasks they were sent on every so often. Usually the Council dealt with matters without having to send out the Jedi as "negotiators," and 

Obi-wan saw little action. Since he had been taken from his home at the age of three, sixteen years ago, he had spent the majority of his time on Coruscant, honing his Jedi reflexes and training his mind to be patient and wary. He knew why his master would not let him take charge on his own or handle situations. He was too headstrong, too eager for battle, and Qui-gon Jinn knew it too well. 

After several minutes had passed, the to-be Jedi grew restless. Obi-wan paced the cramped room and then took to studying the holographic displays. He flicked a few of the switches on the electric panel with his mind and watched as the displays abruptly changed, showing a map of the facility's hallways and rooms. Obi-wan's brow furrowed as he stared at the map. 

Apparently, the Karitoans were just as advanced as the rest of the galaxy, for when Obi-wan looked harder, he could discern small figures moving on the map. They appeared to be mere dots at first, but then, he noticed, they were the actual live images, transferred to the holographic map from the concealed cameras within the building. Obi-wan smiled at this; he was one who appreciated the intricacies of technology. 

His clear eyes followed a mass of figures that appeared, it seemed, from a wall. No, not a wall, he realized, but a room not charted on the map. Intrigued, he continued to watch as the figures made their way through a small hallway. There was one figure in front, which he guessed to be the leader, with an entourage of about five men. Obi-wan's senses suddenly alerted when he noticed the group moving in the direction of the room he was in. He flicked a switch to zoom in and was able to discern the men in the back readying blasters. The man in front had thrown back his hood, and as the camera focused on his face, Obi-wan immediately recognized who it was.

"Oh, bloody hell," he said under his breath as he quickly set the display to its original settings and pulled the hood of his cloak over his head. He palmed the blast doors open and stepped outside, casting a hasty glance about the corridor. Finding that he had come out before the group had approached within sight, he walked casually but hurriedly in the other direction.

Having studied the display, Obi-wan knew there was no exit in the direction he was headed. There was only one long corridor that ended abruptly. There were, however, many small rooms that were connected to the corridor. Obi-wan slipped into a room on his right, which was unoccupied and dark. He only hoped the men had not thought to check the display in the room he had left. Not one to trust his fate to luck or the wits of other men, he cast about immediately in search of the concealed camera.

"Smart, you moron, it's concealed. You can't see it," Obi-wan cursed himself, as he reached out with his senses. The camera was hidden behind a panel of liquimetal—a metal substance that appeared opaque but was transparent from the other side. 

Obi-wan ignited his lightsaber and slashed the panel. The camera fell out, a mass of smoking wires. The corner of his mouth tilted up in a sly grin of confidence. He hooked his lightsaber onto his belt and took a deep breath to relax himself with the Force. But suddenly the door slid open to reveal two guards with blasters set to stun, trained on him.

Obi-wan cursed at himself again for not locking the door, but then a thought occurred to him. _It's so dark in here…they didn't even look around for me. They just came in, and their blasters were already aimed at me. _One of the men was cautiously approaching the Jedi, his blaster still pointed at Obi-wan's head. The other was keying something in on an electronic device strapped to his wrist. 

__

Of course, Obi-wan realized, _it's so obvious. The guards are equipped with the locator maps. _He set his jaw grimly and looked to the uniformed man that was now standing before him. 

"Jedi," he sneered. But Obi-wan saw the fear in the man's eyes anyway. "You scum." 

"Sir, reinforcements are on their way," the man in the doorway said. The officer's attention diverting to the other guard at the word, 'Sir,' was the chance Obi-wan needed. 

Before the other man finished his sentence, Obi-wan had knocked the blaster out of the officer's hand with his lightsaber. The man in the door attempted to fire his blaster, only to find that it was no longer in his hands. Obi-wan was holding it, having summoned it with the Force in those short moments, and was grinning. "Looking for this?" 

"Holy shit," the man muttered. Obi-wan fought down the urge to laugh at the awestruck expression on the men's faces. But his glee was short-lived; he sensed a larger group of guards approaching the room rapidly. The reinforcements were coming.

Obi-wan pushed past the helpless men and emerged in the corridor amidst a flurry of blaster shots. He stood his ground for a moment, deflecting the shots deftly and downing a few guards before turning and calling upon the Force to increase his speed as he fled down the hall. 

He knew he was heading straight for a dead-end. But nonetheless, he ran as quickly as he could, stretching out with the Force to detect the troops that he had left behind. There was no one in his direct path, and he continued until he reached the end of the hallway. 

"Come on…" he said, frantically searching the blank wall with his eyes for a control panel. "This has got to be a door!" Obi-wan felt the troops coming closer with every passing second. Then, in frustration, he kicked the door. 

Except his boot didn't make contact with the hard metal like he expected it to. It passed _through_ the wall. Obi-wan was caught off balance for a moment in which his jaw dropped as he stared at the nonexistent wall. But there was no time to investigate it; he only hesitated a moment before throwing himself through. 

There was a blast door and a panel next to it that required an access code. Which, of course, Obi-wan did not know. He gritted his teeth and ignited his lightsaber before thrusting it into the thick layers of metal with all his strength. It burned a hole through it, and pieces of reddened metal fell away from the area in molten heaps. Meanwhile he could hear the footsteps ringing out in the corridor grow louder.

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Qui-gon stood with the Prime Minister of Karitoa, watching the display. The tiny dots on the map were all moving to one focal point—the minister's headquarters, where he stood now. 

"So you see, Master Jedi, he plots an assassination against me. Humans are never to be trusted, we Karitoans always say. It was a mistake to allow their trade route to connect with our planet. No doubt he planned it from the beginning, to take advantage of our peaceful demeanor and then lead his men to kill me when our trust was strong in him." The tall alien explained calmly. 

The Prime Minister towered several heads above the Jedi, but he was considered small for Karitoans. The alien had slightly grey-blue hued skin, four arms, and was peering at Qui-gon through a pair of heavily ringed black eyes. For their heavy-set build, Karitoans were surprisingly agile, which Qui-gon witnessed as he had watched the Karitoan soldiers waylay each division of the smuggler's men. 

All of the men were held now, except for one division, which was being pursued by a team at the very moment. Qui-gon watched the display as the men headed down the hall towards them. 

"This facility is nonexistent on the map…how do they know it exists?" he asked the Prime Minister.

"One of my people blundered by leaving an incoming package of our handheld map devices in the hold of his ship…which was intercepted by Arshan's forces."

Qui-gon's attention was suddenly diverted from the troops by a sudden ripple in the Force. He suddenly saw another moving dot on the screen appear from a room, where no one had been in earlier. _Obi-wan?_ He thought with a heavy sigh of disappointment. His apprentice had, again, failed to obey him and was now charging recklessly through the holographic wall. _At least he is clever enough to know about the wall and the camera system…_ Qui-gon nevertheless thought to himself. _He may, in time, learn patience. But it has already been so long…_

"Who is that?" the Prime Minister asked, bringing the Jedi out of his reverie. 

"My apprentice," Qui-gon admitted. There was a sudden uproar in the headquarters when something penetrated through the blast doors. Qui-gon looked to them and saw Obi-wan's blue lightsaber slowly carving a hole through the metal as melted chunks of the doors fell away. He sighed again. _He does not know what we are here for…he has not been heeding warnings in the Force._

"Sir!" one of the attendants shouted at the Prime Minister.

"Open the blast doors," came the answer. The attendant looked stupefied for a moment, but he carried out his orders. The doors slid open, half melted, to reveal a bewildered Jedi apprentice standing in the middle of the hallway, lightsaber in hand.

"What…?" Obi-wan said. But his eyes fell upon his Master, whose face wore a reprimanding expression. Obi-wan's heart sank and he sighed. Qui-gon would not be happy with his apprentice's actions, and, no doubt, as soon as they reached Coruscant, Obi-wan would be in for another round of vigorous training in the Jedi Temple. 

The troops pursuing Obi-wan suddenly appeared behind him, and he whisked around to deflect blaster shots as the men filed in. There was a commotion, in which the Karitoan guards standing at the door downed every last man with their advanced blaster weaponry. Obi-wan was left standing, and he looked around, dumbfounded, at the headquarters.

"It seems your companion has led Arshan's men to their demise even quicker than they would have reached it with my soldiers pursuing them," the Prime Minister said, amused at the pleadingly innocent expression on Obi-wan's face and at the stern countenance on his Master's. "Thank you, Master Jedi, you have been of great help. Now we can hunt out Arshan's base and eliminate them from our peaceful planet."

Qui-gon resumed his formal composure and bowed to the Karitoan before setting off for the exit. He did not have to look back to know Obi-wan was following him, his head bowed low in chagrin.

As soon as they reached the hull of their ship, Qui-gon turned around to face his Padawan. "You did not obey me," he said, taking great pains to suppress his frustration.

"I did not know what was going on, Master! The men came and they would have seen me no doubt on their maps, hiding in that room--"

"You were not a target to them!" Qui-gon interrupted, "they would not have pursued you, had you not shown signs of knowing of their presence. They came only for one thing: to assassinate the Prime Minister. Arshan cares not about other men; he would have mistaken you for yet another trader on Karitoa."

Obi-wan was silenced; the urge to defend himself was subdued by the definite explanation. 

"You were not wary of the Force around you, only that of the present, my young Padawan." Qui-gon guided the ship out of the port and into the vast expanse of darkness, lit by the occasional star. He keyed in the controls for lightspeed and sat back as the ship flew into hyperspace.

Obi-wan sat, looking rather dejected in the co-pilot's seat. Qui-gon felt a wave of involuntary pity for the young apprentice, not even out of adolescence. "Obi-wan, I was once like you…but if you are to become a Jedi, you must not succumb to your ambition."

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"Anakin, I was once like you…but if you are to become a Jedi, you must not succumb to your ambition," Obi-wan said quietly, echoing his Master's words long ago to the young man standing at his side. They were on Karitoa, sent by the Council to handle a haywire smuggler's attempts to take over the ministry. Anakin looked at his master questioningly. 

"You seemed distant in the past few minutes, Master. What's wrong?"

Obi-wan looked down at Anakin and a smile touched his lips. "It's just like it was back then. I came here with Qui-gon for the exact same reason why we are here, long ago…when I was at your age and as headstrong and reckless as you are."

Anakin looked at the Jedi, annoyed. A thought stirred in his mind of their next destination after Karitoa: Coruscant. And their next mission, to protect the Senator of Naboo from risk of assassination. 

…Senator Naberrie, Padmé… He felt an extreme longing for the beautiful girl that was by now a young woman. It had been ten years since he had seen her last.

His master sensed his angst and said mechanically, "You must not let your emotions cloud your senses."

"Yes, Master," Anakin intoned, but his thoughts said otherwise. _What do you know about love? I dream about her every night…it torments me. _

Obi-wan heard his Padawan's thought and suddenly smiled, much to the surprise of his pupil, although a hint of suppressed pain shone through his eyes. "Actually…"

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Disclaimer: All names, characters, and items affiliated with Star WarsÔ are the rightful property of George Lucas. Any other characters and inventive items are the rightful property of me. ^_^


	2. Achilles' Heel

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Chapter Two: Achilles' Heel

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    When the ship finally pulled out of hyperspace near the bustling planet of Coruscant, Qui-gon and Obi-wan had grown so irritated at each other that they did not speak at all. The young Padawan felt only contempt for his master and his slow, deliberately patient ways, as though he were to never get anything done. And Qui-gon was unbelievably frustrated. It had been nearly nineteen years, and still his Padawan could not understand patience; Obi-wan was all too eager to spring into battle.

Qui-gon shook his head and sighed resignedly as the ship pulled into the Coruscant space port. Obi-wan would have to learn patience from another training session in the Jedi Temple. _Of all the Padawan learners, of all the potential Jedi, I, of course, get Obi-wan Kenobi. The most fearless, overly ambitious, and impatient, _Qui-gon thought with a sardonic smile. But even with all of Obi-wan's aggravating attributes, he was still an incipient learner. Obi-wan learned at a furiously fast pace, and he was a good companion: ruthless, tireless, and usually lively—a good complement for the older Jedi.

The metallic click of footsteps rang out behind Qui-gon and he knew without turning that Obi-wan was descending the ship's ramp behind his master.

Qui-gon was waiting to hear an apology from the adolescent, but this time Obi-wan did not utter a word. Even his mind barrier was up, and Obi-wan was not looking at Qui-gon nor avoiding him. The Jedi master led the way into the temple and from there, into the chamber where the Council sat. The metal doors slid open, and he walked into the center and bowed.

"The Karitoans have matters under control--"

"Something that troubles you there is," Yoda interrupted calmly, "speak of it you will to the Council."

Qui-gon hesitated, looking out of the corner of his eye at the figure to his side. Obi-wan's jaw was clenched but otherwise he appeared perfectly calm.

The Jedi knight seated to the right of Yoda, Ki-Adi-Mundi, quickly sensed Qui-gon's hesitance and gave an imperceptible nod. "Perhaps, if it is something you feel you cannot disclose in the presence of the young Padawan…" Qui-gon's gaze was front and center but his mind was probing his pupil's.

Obi-wan's eyes narrowed the slightest bit as he looked to his master. "Master, what would you have me do?"

"Your exercises, Obi-wan. Clear your mind of questions and I will join you later in the corridor."

Obi-wan bit back a frustrated comment and bowed before the Jedi masters before stepping out.

He looked around in the corridor, and noticed that nearly no one was about. There was a quiet, small droid making its way along the floor, and Obi-wan, for lack of activity, decided to follow it. He trudged behind it slowly, attempting to clear his mind to no avail. _Qui-gon is frustrated with me. What else is new? What am I supposed to do? I did what I felt I was supposed to do…he always tells me to be one with the Force, to be mindful of my feelings, but I felt a stirring and a danger then, and I had to act upon it. What else could I have done?_

Obi-wan's thoughts reeled angrily in his mind and he did not notice when he had lost track of the chirping droid. He looked about, finding that he had stopped directly in front of the entrance to the Jedi Archives. Pulling upon the Force for strength to push his thoughts away, he walked through the open doors. 

There were only a handful of Jedi roaming the Archives, most of which, no doubt from their age, were Padawans. Obi-wan saw a group of small children intermingled with a handful of alien races, giggling happily as they pored through book after book, and at the same time chasing after each other like children do. He smiled as he looked at them and began to stroll through the rows of records. 

Staring at the labels of the records and books on the nearby wall, Obi-wan suddenly crashed into something, which brought his attention out of his reverie. "Ouch!" he exclaimed angrily, but then he looked up. He realized he had clumsily collided with a Jedi Padawan who had just emerged from an adjoining aisle.

"Oh, excuse me," the girl muttered in slightly accented voice. 

Obi-wan was startled by the young Padawan who had just ventured into his path. His eyes searched her face, finding that there was something captivating about her. Perhaps it was the startling shrewdness in her nearly black eyes. He perceived a haughtiness and arrogance in her expression that reminded him, he noted with an inward smile, of himself. _Wait, what am I doing? _he thought furiously, tearing his gaze away from her face, instead staring at the shelf a little behind her.

Obviously, he had been looking at her for far too long than is acceptable, and she cocked her head to the side, shooting an odd glance at him. "Who are you?" she asked unexpectedly.

"Obi-wan Kenobi."

"Oh. Qui-gon is your master, is he not?"

"Yes." He couldn't help but focus his gaze onto her again for fear of being disrespectful. He was, after all, the one who hadn't been watching where he was going… Obi-wan was too busy studying the slender features of her face and the completely black hair that was pulled to the back of her head to pay attention to their casual conversation. She was saying something in her accented voice about his Master…

"You think so, of course?" she was asking for the second time. He suddenly looked at her as though he hadn't been seeing her for the past few minutes.

"Oh…um…what?"

She shook her head and a slightly annoyed look on her face. "You do think…no. Nothing. Good day." 

She was about to walk past him when he suddenly found himself asking, "You are a Padawan here?"

The girl looked down at her white tunic and held up her arms as if to show him the brown sleeves of her Jedi robe. "No, of course not," she said with a hint of sarcasm.

Obi-wan grinned. "I meant, to ask you who you, well, study under."

"Master Yoda. I am one of the many pupils he takes under his wing to train…"

"Oh." A thought suddenly occurred to him to ask her name. "Wait, before you go, you forgot to tell me what your name is. I told you mine, it is only common courtesy that you return the favor."

"Oh, I did, didn't I?" With that, she smiled, an unusual glint in her eyes as she turned away and strided down the aisle to turn the corner and disappear. Obi-wan watched after her, a strange stirring in his head. His chest felt constricted, tight, and he felt the sudden urge to go to the sparring room to loosen his strained muscles.

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Obi-wan shook off the cloak that clung to his sleeves, and then hung the brown robe up before reaching into a metal box that contained many small objects. He pulled out a circular mechanism and then unhooked his belt, taking only his lightsaber with him. 

He stepped into the sparring room, a large room covered with mats with thin wooden walls surrounding it. The place was reminiscent of an ancient Japanese sparring dojo. Obi-wan stepped out, took the metal device and thumbed it on. He took a stance and ignited his lightsaber as soon as the device began to swivel back and forth in the air.

His lightsaber followed every move of the object, and he relaxed his muscles. His movements were languid and easy, almost cat-like. He had done this way too many times to be unfamiliar with it. The dome shot bolts of green light at him occasionally, which he deflected almost effortlessly. It began to become harder as he progressed, the shots fired more rapidly as time passed. 

After a time, his mind and body were so absorbed in it that he failed to recognize the presence of another in the room.

"Now I see," the voice rang out suddenly, startling him so that he missed a shot. It hit the flesh of his right shoulder, and he cried out softly with the shock of the pain. He thumbed off the lightsaber and, simultaneously, the device switched to the static mode, hovering lifelessly in the air.

Obi-wan turned to the figure standing near the door. "What in hell do you--" he began before he had set eyes upon the person. But when he finally did, he cut his words off and stared at the girl he had seen just an hour ago in the archives.

"What do I think I'm doing?" she asked quietly. The twinge of a strange alien accent in her soft voice was beginning to irritate him like no other.

"No…I…" Obi-wan was annoyed to find that he could not speak, for his throat was parched. He swallowed and winced at the pain of his dry throat cracking. "What did you say? You see? See what?"

She didn't answer, just regarded him coldly with a slight smile flickering on her lips. He noticed her lightsaber was in hand and she also had a small practicing device like his. So she was here to practice, and she had stumbled upon him. Obi-wan was beginning to really dislike the fact that this girl kept on ending up coincidentally in the same place at the same time with him. He shifted his stance just enough to feel a slight pain in his shoulder where the orb had shot him, and he grimaced.

Her eyes were glittering. She smiled even further. "Do you remember what I asked you earlier?" Knowing she would not get an answer, she continued, "I was asking you if you would think Qui-gon was becoming…how should I put it…irked, wearied, _irritated_." Her emphasis on the last word was almost a sneer.

"What?" His dislike of her was growing by the second.

"You know what I'm talking about. Everyone knows. You're the most hotheaded, arrogant, foolishly brazen Padawan in the whole of the temple. And you know that, because everything you do, you always make a mistake: plunge headfirst into a battle, fight someone you should not fight, start something where it should not have happened. Qui-gon should be fed up with you. And he is, but, being the kind Jedi master he his, he puts up with you. He has a startling amount of patience. Just now it's getting to him." Her voice was still annoyingly calm and composed.

"How can you say this to me?! Who _are_ you to say that? Who are you to judge me? You don't even know me…" Obi-wan's voice was cracking with anger.

Her voice softened, as did her gaze, as if to apologize for her harsh words. "I'm sorry, it's just that, when I found you here I couldn't help but watch you. You have excellent technique, you can get as far into the 'game' as the masters. The ball doesn't move that fast for any other Padawans. And I have never seen such capabilities of concentration, of physical aptness. But it hit you."

"Yes, because you distracted me!"

"A Jedi should be wary of all around him," she intoned, "just think, if you were in a battle, say, with an enemy who was as good as you were. And someone crept up behind you as I did. Quietly, unnoticeably…what would happen then?"

He could see her point, and it exasperated him even further. He was silent a long time. "Why do you tell me this?" he asked after calming himself.

"Sometimes the plebeian has to give advice to the adept."

"What?" Obi-wan was struggling to avoid shouting at her.

"The best of the best have their faults. Sometimes the commoners have to point out weakness to them. Then the good can become the greatest and talent can aspire to virtue. It all depends on whether or not they will deign to admit that a blemish exists on an unblemished surface."

Obi-wan was thoroughly astonished, and his irritation was beginning to dissipate. He found himself once again admiring the sharp intelligence that showed in her eyes. He realized his scrutinizing was making her uncomfortable again because she looked at him, puzzled. Obi-wan began to speak, but hesitated, then heard himself ask, "Why do you do it? It doesn't matter to you if I'm…arrogant. Why does it matter to you if I, or another Jedi, is killed because they had a deadly fault?"

"Because I…I don't know," she admitted. He was surprised to find that her eyes were downcast and she looked flustered. 

"You don't know?" Obi-wan's felt anger rising in him again.

"I just do that," she sighed, "it's something I do. Point out the weaknesses of other people. I don't know whether it's to annoy them or some subconscious way of helping them out…I just do it."

Obi-wan was surprised into silence. After a few moments, he said, "…I think it's a little of both." Whether he wanted to admit it or not, he knew she had hit a verity and, as she had pointed out, it _was_ his fatal weakness. He sighed. _I've always been like this. Qui-gon has told me and reprimanded me before, but never like this. To have a complete stranger recognize your deadliest fault…what does that mean?_

She looked up at him curiously. He sensed her astonishment at his agreement. Wordlessly he smiled at her and reached into the air to take the device down and switch it off. He brushed past her to the doorway, and just as the metal doors slid open, she asked, "I did, didn't I?"

"Did what?" he asked, bewildered. He turned his head to look at her.

"Forget to tell you my name."

"Oh."

"Akura Parell."

Obi-wan nodded and shot a smile at her despite the reeling feelings running rampant through him. She returned his smile, and he noticed she flushed a bit. He watched as she stepped further out into the empty room and switched the metal orb on in her hand before letting it float up in the air, before he stepped through the doors and let them slide shut behind him.

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"Obi-wan," a stern voice said from behind him. He turned around to find Qui-gon standing in the corridor, just emerged from the Council chambers.

"There you are, master." Obi-wan was so absorbed in his thoughts that he forgot his former feelings of displeasure towards the older Jedi.

And Qui-gon noticed it, with much perplexity. "Where have you been? I asked you to wait in the corridor for me." He noticed the flushed look on Obi-wan's face that revealed he had been physically exercising. 

"Yes, master. I was practicing…my exercises, you said, remember?"

Qui-gon sighed. "No, that is not what I meant…"

"I know," Obi-wan admitted, the guilt showing on his face. "I just felt the need to stretch and loosen out the tension in my body."

"Obi-wan, you need to learn patience. Lessons of the mind, my apprentice, not of the body. Physical capabilities are useful, yes, but they are not needed if one has enough control over his mind, enough control to blend in unity with the Force…"

"Yes, master," Obi-wan intoned.

Qui-gon shook his head. _He does not understand. He never will. No…I must give him a chance. It takes time. _"Obi-wan, I have spoken to the Council about your actions on Karitoa. Yoda does not feel you can be a danger to others--"

"You mean, turn to the dark side of the Force? Because I'm…arrogant?"

His master chuckled. "No, no, Obi-wan, you cannot turn to the dark side. I do not believe it. Your intentions are upright. It is your eagerness that hinders you. You must learn to control that, and you will be fully on your way towards knighthood."

Obi-wan looked down and clasped his hands in the sleeves of his robe.

"As long as there is nothing that calls to us, Yoda instructs that you undergo another session of training." He smiled at his apprentice's barely audible groan. "Yes…you will join the other Padawans tomorrow."

Obi-wan smiled haplessly. "I suppose I was in for it no matter what I did to make it worse on Karitoa."

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Disclaimer: All names, characters, and items affiliated with Star WarsÔ are the rightful property of George Lucas. Any other characters and inventive items are the rightful property of me. ^_^ Extra comments? Email to: jidai_rinoa@hotmail.com J 


	3. Like Salt on an Open Wound

Chapter Three: Like Salt on an Open Wound

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Obi-wan sleepily arose from the bed in the corner of the Spartan room and looked about him. With a sudden twinge of amnesia he could not remember where he was or how he had ended up in that room. But then his head cleared its drowsiness. He was in one of the rooms in the Jedi tower, and he had spent the previous night tiring himself out in the sparring room with that mechanical orb. Time and time again, he blocked every shot for what seemed like eternity until his mind lost focus and he became overly confident. He was shot every time. 

That was why, he noted with a grimace, his body ached with overuse as he tried to pull his tunic over his head. There were knots of pain where the blaster shots had hit him, but he ignored them. The real anguish was in his head. Why couldn't he do it? He knew he was one of the best, at least among the Padawans, with his agility and technique. 

But all day yesterday he just couldn't do it. It caught him off guard every time so that then he would grit his teeth in anger and push himself through the training once more. After a time, his body sank into torpor and he felt himself becoming slower. The mechanism caught him off guard more and more frequently. Obi-wan finally gave up and retired to a vacant room nearby.

He pulled his cloak on despite the fact that he was sweating as he fought against the pain in his mind and body. He then reached for his belt, but suddenly realized that his lightsaber was not hooked into its usual place. _Oh, great, _he realized with another angry jab at himself, _I left it in the sparring room._ He vaguely remembered throwing it against the wall and leaving the previous night. 

Wonderful.

The door slid open and Qui-gon was standing in the doorway. "It is late, my Padawan," he said blankly, "near midday. What have you been doing?"

Obi-wan jumped. In addition to leaving his lightsaber, which he continually did despite his master's admonitions, he had been too dull-witted to sense Qui-gon's presence approaching. 

"I…um…" He wanted to hit himself.

"You seem weary. What did you do last night?"

"Practice," Obi-wan muttered. He knew the guilt was showing on his face and he didn't bother to put up his mind barriers. 

"Obi-wan, you tired yourself out. You are angry with yourself."

__

Well, to point out the obvious… "Yes, master."

"What is it, my young Padawan?" There was a hint of concern on Qui-gon's face, Obi-wan duly noted. So he does care, in spite of how much I irritate him.

"I do not know, master. I just was not feeling well last night and I have not quite woken up yet." Obi-wan managed to lie. He buckled his belt and desperately hoped Qui-gon would not notice the absence of his weapon.

His hopes were in vain. Qui-gon Jinn _was_ a Jedi master, anyway. And a very perceptive one.

"Where is your lightsaber?" Obi-wan saw the all too familiar look of dread on his master's face. This happened too often. He would have to remember that keeping his lightsaber fully functional and with him at all times was his number one priority. Obi-wan really wanted to hit himself now.

"I…left it in the sparring room last night." He clamped his jaw down and lowered his gaze to the floor.

"Obi-wan…" Obi-wan heard the vexation in his master's well controlled voice and sighed. That bothersome girl was right about him, and even though he admitted it was true, he did not want to embrace the truth. "I cannot keep track of how many times I have had to tell you this. A lightsaber is a Jedi's weapon. It is of the utmost value. You made it yourself, did you not? And yet you do not realize that your lightsaber is not something you can cast away like something you have many of."

**************************************************************************************************

Anakin suddenly smirked. Obi-wan's mind drifted out of his memory and he looked at his apprentice. 

"What is it?"

"Something sounds too familiar," Anakin said.

Obi-wan wondered for a few moments, then suddenly he laughed. "I wouldn't be lying if I told you I lost or damaged my lightsaber more often than you did."

"But I'm not as old as you were then--"

"No, actually, I was also nineteen at the time."

"Oh." Anakin smiled. An image of his stern master fumbling and dropping his lightsaber into a trash compactor and angrily cursing leaped into his head involuntarily. He fought hard to keep from laughing. 

"What?" Obi-wan had sensed Anakin's humor.

"Um, nothing, master, please, continue."

**************************************************************************************************

"Yes, master." Obi-wan heard his voice from the past, younger sounding, but heavy with guilt.

Qui-gon shook his head. His apprentice, with a pang of distress, saw the weariness in his master. Qui-gon's shoulders drooped and he looked as though he could use a well-deserved two-day nap. "Why do you not listen to me, Obi-wan? There are things I have told you countless times and yet you do not…" he hesitated, then, "…no, you will learn in time, my apprentice. You will learn. Just be patient with yourself and remember what I say. The Padawans are all practicing in the sparring room now. And your partner has been kept waiting for quite an amount of time." 

The figure of the Jedi master left the doorway and the apprentice closed his eyes against a throbbing headache. He ran his hands through his cold, damp hair and left the room.

_________________________________________________________________________________

"Is this yours?" A familiar voice said from behind. Obi-wan had just entered the sparring room and was staring, quite drowsily, at the dozens of Padawans fencing with each other. He startled and again reprimanded himself for not being in tune with the Force. 

"Is what mine?" He asked, turning to face the speaker. It was Akura, and he looked down to her hand. She was holding his lightsaber. _Oh, of all people…_ "Yes, that is, thank you," he said with forced geniality. He took his lightsaber and hooked it onto his belt.

Akura was smiling at him when he looked up. "I found it in the corner of the room and thought the handle style looked vaguely familiar. When I ignited it and saw the blue blade, I knew it had to be yours. After all, there weren't many in the sparring room last night." She didn't ask why it had been there. _Well, she doesn't need to ask. Of course she knows. She's just being gracious. How kind of her._

"Thanks," he muttered. He couldn't help but notice she suddenly looked prettier than she had yesterday. The dim light in the archives and the sweat running into his eyes last night definitely didn't help his vision. He hated himself for noticing. _You're supposed to be hating her, you moron…she's the one who embarrasses you and points out everything you hate about yourself, even if she supposedly doesn't mean to. Helping people? Right. She is **not** pretty. _But she was and he found himself admiring the black eyes so full of splendor and charisma. _No, she's outright cruel. She likes to make people hate her._ He bit down on his lip, frustrated.

Obi-wan quickly snapped to his senses and realized that she was the only other Padawan in the room who was not sparring with someone else. He nearly groaned, but instead he just hit himself.

"What?" She looked confused again. "Oh. You just realized that I'm your partner, didn't you? I'm not _that_ horrible."

"What? No, I--" Obi-wan stopped. "I didn't mean…no. Never mind. I just made a fool of myself. Again. I'm not having the best of days, either."

She grinned, then held out a fencing pole. "Come on, we're hours behind in our training." 

"Oh. Right." Obi-wan took the thin but sturdy weapon and took his cloak off. He was amazed to find that his cold sweat had dissipated, but his head was still a bit groggy.

He had barely taken a stance when she struck at him. After barely parrying a few blows, his mind forced itself to clear and his cramped muscles loosened. He switched from being on the defensive to the offensive and pushed her into a corner. The aching was lessening in his body and he felt better already. 

"I told you you were good," she said. She was beginning to breathe rapidly.

"Plebeian, did you say?" he asked between attacks, "or something of the sort. You aren't quite unskilled yourself."

"I never said I wasn't any good." 

In a flurry of attacks and parries, Obi-wan felt himself being pushed back again. He backed into another Padawan and muttered an apology. Then he reached out with his senses and drew upon the Force. He advance again and noted that Akura was breathing hard in exertion. A smile played across his face as he knew he was obviously going to win. 

He struck at her head, then at her legs, and feinted a blow to her side. In the split second she was preoccupied defending her left side, he brought his weapon back in a sweeping motion to her right and struck at her midsection, a blow sure to make contact with its target. But it didn't. He lost his balance and his focus dissipated. And then he felt her weapon come bearing down on his, so that his was brought to the floor. She stepped on it and then kicked up forcefully. 

His weapon flew into the air and she deftly caught it. Then, with an amazing draw upon the Force, she leapt and flipped over his right shoulder. Before he was fully turned around to meet his attacker, he heard an unmistakable whistle past his left ear. The wooden tip was lodged in the wall behind him, and the handle was still reverberating from impact. He knew that the blade had just missed his ear by a hair's breadth. And he knew that was where it was directed to go. The girl hadn't missed, she was just being gracious. Again.

Well, damn graciousness. It just rubbed it in that he had missed and she had taken the moment to her own advantage. It just rubbed it in that she had won. And won well, at that. 

Which wasn't supposed to happen, because they both knew he had the advantage over her. She was smaller than him, less agile, less skilled, and less trained. Obviously, though, she had talent. The talent to hold her position while she relentlessly searched for a sure sign of weakness in her stronger opponent and then used it.

It was just one more thing to add to the list of proofs to his weakness.

He knew she noticed his thoughts because she put her hands on her knees and breathed hard in exaggeration of the effort she had taken to beat him. She was just trying to make him feel better. To say, 'hey, it was something that happened only because you're tired. And look how much it took out of me.'

Obi-wan took a deep breath and pulled the stick out of the wall where it was still vibrating. He held it out to her, and she took it, puzzled. Then he bent down to take his cloak from the floor and left the room.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Disclaimer: All names, characters, and items affiliated with Star WarsÔ are the rightful property of George Lucas. Any other characters and inventive items are the rightful property of me. ^_^ Extra comments? Email to: jidai_rinoa@hotmail.com J


	4. Shadows and the Sky

****

Chapter Four: Shadows and the Sky

Obi-wan stepped into the corridor and made his way over to the shower room. His muscles ached more than ever and he felt exhausted as he hung his cloak up and proceeded to divest himself of his sticky tunic. He shook his head and wiped away the sweat that was threatening to run into his eyes. His mind was blank but at the same time he was utterly angry with himself. 

The water came pouring down over his head and he merely let it run down his body. He reached out with his senses and searched for his master's presence. Qui-gon was nowhere nearby, which reassured his Padawan, for of all times, this was not the best to have a chat with his strict master. It would probably bring him more reprimands. What was he supposed to do now? Physically exhausting himself obviously didn't take his mind off of matters; it only served to emphasize his weakness. Obi-wan sighed and turned off the water. Perhaps it would be nice to just wander around the aerial city for a time.

________________________________________________________________________

The light from Coruscant's suns shone down on the bustling city, and it was blinding, reflected off of every metallic surface. Obi-wan hopped into a vacant speeder and looked over the edge at the rows and rows of traffic. Maybe it would be interesting to see if he could get down to the bottom of the city. The real surface of the planet. He doubted anyone had ever decided to venture down so far. Just as he was leaning over the edge of the speeder, though, someone spoke to him.

"Don't fall. That would be a mess to clean up."

Obi-wan pulled himself up and looked at the speaker, more certain that he knew who it was than anything else he had ever felt certain about. "Fine day, isn't it, Miss Parell?" His voice carried as much sarcasm as hers had.

"A bit bright. I never cared for this city anyway." His eyes cast over her and he noticed she had discarded her Jedi clothing and was instead clothed in the garb of the civilians. She was wearing a white, sleeveless tunic and black pants, but she still wore the black Jedi boots. Her hair was down for the first time he had ever seen, most probably to conceal the Padawan braid tucked behind her ear. He smiled inwardly and then looked down at his own telltale Jedi clothing. He just realized he probably didn't want to be singled out in a crowd. Obi-wan considered it at first a point of pride, but after a while the awed looks from people and, usually, children, became trite. He reproved himself for not remembering to disguise himself.

Obi-wan looked back up at her. If she had just been passing and saying hello, she would have already been gone. But she wasn't. The cold shower had nearly made him forget about her, so immersed was he in his own anger at himself. He realized she was waiting for something. 

"You seem to follow me everywhere."

"You disappeared and I followed you when I found you walking towards the speeder platform. Our training isn't over yet, partner."

He looked indifferent. "I felt I should take a break. I've done enough training already."

Akura shook her head and suddenly hopped into the passenger side of the speeder.

"What are you doing?"

"Going with you."

"Why? And why did you follow me in the first place?" Obi-wan scrutinized her cheerful face as she gazed around at her surroundings, and then looked up as a speeder grazed overhead, leaving a blast of warm wind. She gazed up for a few more moments, her eyes searching the speeder-ridden sky. She suddenly turned to him.

"I…um…sorry. I mean, I want to apologize, for what I said to you. And you can't deny that it bothered you."

__

Great, she's being gracious again. Apologize for what? For showing me that I'm nothing more than an arrogant fool who can be beaten by anyone? "Don't apologize."

"Why not? You certainly didn't take it well. And it's my fault, really, for…well, rubbing it in, I suppose." He could see the guilt in her eyes.

She was being so nice he wanted to scream. "What were you going to do? Let me win? That would be just the same. I can't deny that you're better than me."

"I'm not." He brought his gaze back from the lively city to her face then, and saw that the look in her eyes said she was completely sincere. "I know now, that, believe it or not, I was trying to help you. You're amazing. Everyone has heard about you and envied you in some way or another. You're possibly the best and most talented Padawan to come along since…well, it's been a long time."

Obi-wan was taken by surprise. She was being utterly genuine and she wasn't mocking him at all. And she wasn't going to follow that up like the previous time with a blunt censure. _That's a first._ He shook his head angrily. "Best? Talented? Only what you would say, because you don't know me. What makes you care? If helping me is what you call telling me I'm hopeless and then proving it to me to make me feel worthless, then you're probably right. You aren't coming along with me."

"Where are you going, then?" He avoided looking at her because he knew she was offended although she hid the hurt inflection in her voice very well.

"To the bottom of the city." Why did he answer her question truthfully? Maybe involuntarily, he thought, he wanted her to come along anyway. She was, of course, a very interesting person. And she talked to him on equal terms, much the opposite of those timid conversations he held with the other younger Padawans, their eyes brimmed with awe. That reminded him, suddenly, that he had been wondering how young she really was. She was just a few inches shorter than him but there was unmistakable youth in her features.

"The bottom?" she was saying with a laugh, "why would you want to go to the bottom? It would take you hours to navigate through all this traffic for miles until you finally reached the surface of Coruscant. And then it wouldn't have been worth it once you reached it because it's just a litter-ridden place hidden in the shadows of everything above. Nothing lives down there but shadows. Even the people of the slums live almost a mile above the bottom."

Obi-wan knew she was right, but he knew there was something else that propelled him to reach the bottom. He knew it was foolish but he explained anyway, because when he had seen her look up at the speeder passing overhead he saw her eyes searching the sky like his had many times before. 

"I want to go down there because even if I know there's nothing but darkness, something in me wants to search out the beauty of lush greenery. Something natural. A forest, a plain, a meadow, anything natural. And when I look up, I want to see the blue clear sky like I've seen it on other planets when I went with Qui-gon." He felt embarrassed at his words and wanted to hit himself for forgetting that he still hated her. She was such an odd person, really. And that was why he didn't hate her—in fact, he was beginning to like her.

"Maybe it's inherent in us, a preference for natural beauty rather than the common crudeness we make ourselves. I've never seen it, though."

"Seen what?" He finally brought himself to look at her and saw that she was slouched in the seat, her gaze directed up at the multitude of traffic again.

"What you talk about. The sky."

Obi-wan felt a smile play across his face. He looked at her and couldn't help thinking that there was an extremely unusual but somehow natural beauty in her too. "You've never seen it? Do you mean, you have never seen another planet since you were brought here to be trained as a Jedi?"

She nodded and he noted the yearning in her features to escape. "I was brought here before I was even a year old and I don't remember anything else. Except for this huge bright aerial city."

"That reminds me," he brought up suddenly, "I had been wondering where you were from. Your voice carries a strange accent. How long ago were you brought here?"

"About fifteen years ago. I don't know where I'm from. I can never quite get rid of my accent no matter how long I stay around others." She was grimacing.

Obi-wan smiled again. She looked at him questioningly. "You're…different than I thought you were," he said haltingly.

Akura smiled and shook her head. He noticed she was blushing slightly. He had completely forgotten about his desire to reach the surface of the planet after talking with her. She was a very strange but intriguing person, to put it simply, and he couldn't deny that he felt attracted to her. _Of all people, I end up liking her? Sometimes I don't even understand myself._

He looked away and gazed around for a few moments then glanced at her again. She was smiling at him, surprisingly. "I thought you to be a conceited fool," she admitted. "I was wrong, of course, just as you were wrong about me."

"But you're right--" He hesitated. "You're right, of course. I am conceited and arrogant."

"The fact that you can recognize it means you aren't."

"No…I…"

"I pointed that out to you because I wanted to help you. Most people hate themselves if someone tells them something that's unpleasant, and true."

"I do hate myself."

"Not anymore, I don't think." She was looking at him knowingly and he suddenly felt himself blushing. He inwardly cursed at himself. "If you can accept it then you can change it. And I think you already have."

Obi-wan shrugged. It was true, though, he didn't feel angry at himself any longer. He sighed and then looked down at his hands resting in his lap. "Strange place to be, sitting in a speeder and not going anywhere in this city where everyone goes places in a hurry." He felt her eyes on him and suddenly grinned at her. And then he did something he had not even known how to do, and something he wouldn't have done had he given himself the chance to think about it first. He leaned over and kissed her.

To his shock, she didn't pull back or protest. Instead, she kissed him back. But then she drew back and he could see that she looked flustered. "I…um, I…need to…go," she stuttered, and he watched her jump out of the speeder and onto the platform. But she stopped there and stood looking at him. He felt like he was floating as he followed her out of the speeder. Just when he reached the platform he felt her hands on the sides of his face and her lips against his again. 

She drew back again but this time her eyes were confused as they stared at him and her brow furrowed in the effort of what he knew was an inner argument, for he felt the same. But a reckless abandon was upon him and he was lost in the throes of youthful passion. He felt immune to everything and on top of the world. 

"No, Obi-wan, you know that—well, we both know that…that…"

"I don't care," he heard himself whispering. He felt only a need to be touching her again. But she stepped back again.

"We can't do this. What if someone is watching? What if Yoda finds out?! Or Qui-gon? Or—" She suddenly fell silent. "Strange things happen at the strangest times, in the strangest places," she remarked. She laughed.

Obi-wan's heart did a flip when he heard her laughter. He grinned at her again. "And to the strangest two people. Unusual circumstances, are they not?" He felt foolish but he felt suddenly happy and every other notion was completely wiped out of his mind. "We have more training to do, right?" he asked quietly.

"Uhm, yes. Yes, we do. But I'm tired, I think. This evening, maybe?" Obi-wan nodded and, with a shy smile, she disappeared into the building. A smile touched his lips and remained there while he walked back through the winding corridor. 

________________________________________________________________________

Obi-wan approached his small room but suddenly was taken aback. He halted and swallowed in dread. Qui-gon was knocking on his room door. He must have been knocking for a while, for he turned away in annoyance and upon looking up, saw his Padawan standing in the hallway with an unmistakable expression of bliss written on his face.

"Where have you been, my young Padawan? It is well into the afternoon. You should be training."

"I…" He cast about hastily for an excuse. "I was showering, master. After training I felt rather uncomfortable." Well, at least that was true, just not the entire truth. Obi-wan shot up his mind barriers and prayed that Qui-gon wouldn't notice.

This time his prayers were answered. Qui-gon looked reprovingly at his apprentice and then shrugged. "Very well, then. I was coming to tell you that I'm leaving for Darruin upon the Council's orders. I trust you will be all right here?" From the look on his face, Obi-wan could tell Qui-gon was waiting for an exclamation of protest.

"Yes, master. Isn't it against regulations or something of the sort?"

"What?"

"I always thought the master and the apprentice were not separated."

"Well, that is true, but Yoda permitted it. You are, of course, not mentally unstable or anything, and we believe it would be for the best to stay here, anyhow."

"Yes, master." Obi-wan tried not to smile at the look of surprise on his master's face.

"Very well then. I shall be back in several days. Be wary and patient with yourself, mindful of the future but keep your mind in the present." Qui-gon nodded at Obi-wan and began strolling down the hall.

"May the Force be with you, master."

*********************************************************************************

"Convenient for you, wasn't it?" Anakin was asking. Obi-wan grinned mischievously at the memory.

"Why, yes, it was. But, young Anakin, my story is not finished yet and the things I tell you about are things you still should not do. And--" he added, for Anakin was on the verge of offering an argument, "my doing these things as a reckless fool of a Padawan does not justify in any way that you follow in my shadow."

"Yes, master. Of course not."

But Obi-wan heard that listless reply and saw the beginnings of a grin on his apprentice's face. "Why do you think I would tell you a story if it did not serve my own teaching purposes?"

"Oh, of course. This ends in tragedy, just to tell me that following your heart is not what you should do because it leads you to do rash and foolish things and can set an imbalance to the Force…"

"Anakin!" Obi-wan exclaimed. "You do not jest with these matters. Perhaps you know my point already, but you have not yet heard the story."

Anakin smiled to himself. _Yes, master, I know. And do not worry, even if I jest or make fun at you and your moral-ridden stories, this one involves something I already know too well._

*******************************************************************************************

Disclaimer: All names, characters, and items affiliated with Star WarsÔ are the rightful property of George Lucas. Any other characters and inventive items are the rightful property of me. ^_^ Extra comments? Email to: jidai_rinoa@hotmail.com J


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